Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Hello hot weather. I can't run without getting a headache. I hope I adjust soon.

My boys. These days are hard days. I can't seem to keep these three tornadoes from demolishing our home. I finally had my fill tonight when Graham and Nolan got into a cabinet whilst I was outside collecting eggs. When I saw the kitchen I wanted to scream. I ran into my bedroom and grabbed my running shoe and bit down and yelled all in one. My yell wasn't so muffled. This shut me up. I turned around and saw six little eyes piercing me. I took the chance to show them how to be frustrated and I said, " IM MAD! MAD! MAD!" and stomped my foot. My anger was gone as quickly as it came. Still all three are watching with their bottom lips on their necks. I furrowed my brow and continued my emotion training. They are boys, I really want them to get this. Finally Nolan got a sparkle in his eye and started laughing and stomping. He looked like a little marching monkey toy. I locked them in my room and didn't let them out until bedtime. Just kidding, I locked them in my room to play with my jewelry and I picked up the kitchen. I feel like I just follow them around picking up what they drop. At this point I realized that I would either keep losing my cool and eventually react badly toward them, or I could step back and try to grasp what really matters. I know what really matters. What matters is that each of them never feel like they are trying to reach my high expectations. I don't want to be that kind of mom. What I have seen in my own life is that usually the person trying to meet other's expectations tuckers out and stops caring. The person with the high expectations is left feeling neglected. Usually because they never realized the standards they had unknowingly set.
I will expect lots from my boys, but right now most of them are still Neanderthals and the other is a professional play person. So I will let the Neanderthals and the Player do their thing. Both stages consist of destruction and mess. Here we go. I will, in the mean time, sit back and try to watch them learn and grow instead of sticking my head in a cabinet to organize the back portion that no one cares if the pot lids are aline with the pots accordingly.

Nolan, you have taken the biggest personality jump. You are all smiles and dimples with short(er) spurts of mad fits. You still throw your head back and drop that bottom lip, but you are a very very fast learner. I am starting to communicate to you that fits are not alright. You are handling it like a champ. You are my little thinker. You love to play ball. It's your toy of choice. You are part puppy because you would play fetch/catch for hours and think every throw was hilarious. After you throw a ball you bend over and hold onto your toes and laugh. Never grow up.
Graham, you are the sweetest little cuddler. You want to be in my lap with a book 24/7. After today that is just what you can do for a while. Im sorry for all of the times I have been aggravated at your desire to show love through touch. I am learning to accept love through touch and to give love through touch as fast as I can! You have challenged me. And I love you for it. You remind me that this house needs more love and affection. It would be too "tough and rough" without you in it.  My sweet sweetheart.
Fynn, I remember when I was upset that you wouldn't say "Momma", but you had said "Dadee" for months. Well, you pulled through and say "Momma, Momma, Momma." at record numbers. But don't worry. I haven't forgotten how much I wanted to hear it. Im glad you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. I hope you always know I am a safe place to express those emotions. You keep me on my toes. There are so many times I would have lost my mind if you hadn't have been here to help me. You watch everything I do and say. You question everything I do and say. You really enjoy playing. period. Today you had a whisk( a cage), a golf ball ( parrot), a few zip ties (weirdness), and played for hours with your parrot named Blackie. I had an imagination so big and complex when I was little, but you put it to shame. Everything is play for you right now. I hope to enable you and your learning through it.

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