Fynn, 

19 months

 




   You are so hilarious. You have developed into such a little ham with a side of sweetheart. The best 19 months of my life have flown by with you. When I think about how your little life will change when your brothers arrive it makes me have mixed feelings. I pray that I always give you the attention and love that you seek. I also see how much fun you have bossing Oliver around everyday and this comforts me. Just like the verse says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13. He knew you would be a big brother. He has designed you accordingly and that is so exciting! 
  Some things that I adore that you have learned recently:

•      Giving kisses at the very spot on my cheek that is asked for. I feel like I unlocked the secret to getting your kisses this week! "Fynn, can I have a kiss right here?" And the cutest little ornery grin forms just before you pucker to kiss. 
•      The obsession you have with my belly. "Awwwahawww." I love hearing that. I know you are getting sleepy when you start wanting to kiss and lay on the "bah" (ball). You actually stopped needing your pacifier because of the comfort you received from my belly before naps. I will thank your brothers for snuggling with you when they get here. We all four seem to fit perfectly together when I rock you to sleep. I cherish every night. I know this is the only time to have you all so close to me at once. AND that peaceful. 
•      Communication. I love the bond we share. We are getting very good at knowing what we want from each other. You help me by picking up things I drop and handing them to me. This is so appreciated! And I am getting better at knowing what those jabbers mean when you need a snack or want your toys organized in a very specific way. 
•      Taking your own clothes off for a bath. This is just so entertaining! Every time I sit and laugh and wonder 'What in the world did we ever do with out you?'. Our lives were so selfishly boring. 
•      DANCING. You fist pump like a rocker! You swing your hips to the beat and you can even whistle if you think it will add to the song. But my favorite part is watching your eyes. You know you are funny. 

              There are so many more amazing things you do everyday. I love being your mom and love you more than you will ever know. I can't wait to see you in your next role as Big Brother. 

His promise is true.

27 weeks now.


  Hello Third Trimester, you better last dang it! My current nemesis is Pre-Term Labor. Oh, and baby naming, but not as bothered by. 


Here I am looking full term and just like everyone else I'm wondering if I really can make it to 40 weeks. 
From the looks I get from concerned, well intentioned persons, it makes me wonder myself. 
You may think "Why in the world would she want to stay pregnant that long?" 


Well, because I don't want to learn to be a parent of multiples in a NICU. 


Also, call me crazy,  I would like them to be born with independently functioning lungs.


And they are my babies. No one can argue that they don't want to see their babies admitted to a high-risk nursery.  

I'm doing all kinds of things to prevent this but the thing I feel is working the best is prayer. 


This natural birth adventure has opened up such a different way I see my Holy Father and 
the way he has designed me.  It has made me dive into His Word and seek the promises He has for me and it replaces my fears. 


These are all things that with my first pregnancy I left up to the Doctors. I put everything in their hands and said a prayer that it would all turn out.

So many friends have joined me in prayer and supported me while choosing this path as well and I thank them!


 The verse I have in my heart this week:
 "I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

When researching this twin delivery thing I was so overwhelmed with the term "high-risk". It just didn't make sense to me when I felt fine and had a wonderful previous pregnancy. 


All I needed was some evidence-based information to show me that being pregnant and delivering twins needed to be treated as an actual medical emergency. 


And guess what? 
I couldn't find any. 


The research led me to reasons for pre-term labor, low birth weight, edema, toxemia, and a few other pregnancy aggravations are mostly due to the nutritional, emotional, and physical well being of the mother.


I decided, at that point, to take this into my own hands and get down to the nitty gritty and eat that protein! haha.  


The week I had enlightened myself with so much pregnancy information I was so relieved, but at the same time, something was missing. 


I had my husbands support (he is actually the first natural pregnancy, natural birth advocate of our family, introducing me to his readings and findings during my first pregnancy opened the floodgates). 


I had support from great friends. 


And really, how can you deny evidence-based research? You can't.


Finally Sunday came and this was the song I shouted to, not only my Creator, but
also the one who created their lives as well. 


Maybe no one has ever praised Jesus and pleaded with Him during Worship about their coming labor, but tears were streaming down my face as I pulled this promise out of the song and into my heart. 


                                          My foes are many, they rise against me

But I will hold my ground

I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm

My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay

My refuge and strength always

I will not fear, His promise is true

My God will come through always, always

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding

My soul will rest in You

I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm

My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay

My refuge and strength always

I will not fear, His promise is true

My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

From You Lord, from You Lord

Oh, my God, He will not delay

My refuge and strength always

I will not fear, His promise is true

My God will come through always, always

from Psalms 40

I know. I know. Still you are wondering..

 "Why in the world would she want to be pregnant that long?"

Now added. "Why in the world would you want to have a drug free labor and delivery?!"

HAHA!

            ............because it is absolutely the best thing for my dear ones.  

"Oh Wow. Wow. Whoa."

 This is what Fynn is saying these days. And mommy and daddy joined in yesterday!   We took a trip to Tulsa to look at trucks and have some family time. I scheduled a sonogram appointment on a whim thinking how wonderful it would be to have Adam be there with me. It is no secret that my husband wants boys, boys, and more boys. And really, it has rubbed off on me. I had entertained the thought of a little girl for several weeks. I had come to the conclusion that girls are too special to be thrown into the whirlwind of boys right now. You see, I have my husband and Fynn at our house, of course, but our home is also the landing pad for my brother in law, Andrew and my pretend brother in law, Adam Jones. (the bro in law part is pretend, he is an actual person).    Testosterone everywhere.   This is old news to me. I also grew up with two brothers along with countless boy cousins and only one other, special, girl cousin. This is my point. Vanessa and I were and are special. We are set apart. (oh, i like that. haha) So my reasoning to want boys now was that maybe when the baby-crazy settles down a bit, I can have the chance to try for a little special princess.
  When we walked into the ultrasound room Adam and I couldn't help but shoot each other nervous looks. Fynn was so intent on knowing whether he would have sisters or brothers or both. Not really. He was playing with a book. hehe. She found Baby A and first things first, heartbeat. As I have said in earlier posts, heartbeats get me. I'm always reminded of our Creator knitting my babies together! Relief and a tear is shed when Baby A waves at me while I hear those beats. Also a laugh because it was sitting on Baby B's head. Baby B was shy and snuggley. Steadily B's heart was ticking away and the sound let me know I could settle and get ready for the fun! Back on A, I saw a cute little something and said "he's a boy?!" and yes. Unmistakably. Adam was beaming. Pictures were taken and it seemed like forever to see the shy sleepy baby. It was tucked in tight minding it's own business. We bounced my belly around a bit. It turned as if it knew what we needed to see and there it was, another....BOY! Then he rolled back over to sleep. Stubborn, but at least he minds. :) A was still wanting to play and wave. We got a peace sign and lots of kicks. I just couldn't believe it. It was exactly what we wanted even though from our birth experience with Fynn, we knew we would fall in love with either sex. Instantly I felt so connected to My Lord who Hears. He knows me. He knows my every desire and thought.

 I will just say that I am in awe of my Saviour! When I was dating my Husband and we were both in college we would dream about our future. We always said we wanted a big family. Then, after marriage we would talk about how great it would be to be surrounded by "our boys". We have had a subtle dream and desire that we really couldn't even define. I feel like My Father has listened to me when I have dreamed and wondered. We will be adding two beautiful boys to our already rowdy household. I never prayed for boys, just  His perfect Will. However, he has seen my heart and blessed me.

Dream Come True

We will be doubling our assets with this pregnancy. As you may expect my husband is still in shock! Me, not so much. I mean, yes, it is such a big thing to wrap your mind around, but I was a little more prepared when I saw my new babies for the first time. When July started I had a funny dream that my Mother-In-Law knocked at my door with my two babies. She had given me a needed break and was all smiles when I answered the door. I looked down to see both hands holding car seats. I woke up and just couldn't shake it. It consumed my brain all day so much that when Adam got home I told him we were having twins. After that I googled "signs your having twins". Yes I know there is no way to know other than an US, but I had every symptom that google could give. For the next weeks I referred to my tummy as 'the babies' and the friends I confided in about the issue thought I was crazy. Rightfully so. I had to have an us for hormone level reasons on July 14th. I told the us tech that I was sure there were two in there. She calmly told me all the reasons that second time moms always think they are having multiples. It was a dark, peaceful room and along with her calming voice I actually started to think she was probably right. Then she paused. I thought something must be wrong. My heart sank. She didn't smile. She looked at me concerned and said "Look!". I turned to the screen.  There were two little spots inside two little spots. I was still so startled from thinking the worst that I asked her to hear both heartbeats. As that noise filled the room I started to cry and laugh with the greatest joy. She placed her hand on my arm still shaken and asked me how I knew. I just continued to laugh feeling so relieved that I wasn't actually crazy!!! I will admit to some shock. I didn't call anyone or even talk all afternoon. That evening I'm ashamed to say I text my husband. haha. I don't really know why. I just wanted him to be able to absorb it. "Phillips Family of Five" is all I wrote. "no way" came back and a call. He wanted proof. us picture was sent. It took Adam a few days to really soak it in. Now he and I both are so absolutely thankful and amazed by this blessing! I apologize to anyone I totally weirded out. I still am not sure how I knew other than I just experienced an actual Dream Come True.